last day of 2009...

well, its the 31st of December, the last day for 2009..how time flies. tomorrow it will be all 2010. not sure the new year is the time for celebration..as for me, its the time for us to reflect what's going on along the year so far. honestly, life is a mystery as we cannot predict what is going to happen in the year 2010..overall, i hope next year will be better than this year..and give more strength for me to go on with life..

along 2009, there are some bumpy rides that surely made my life utterly miserable. clearly i can conclude that 2009 has more downs than ups..but one thing for sure is..I'm still alive and breathing..ALhamdulillah..

well..here are the summary of events for me in the year 2009..

positive

+ i'm a married woman :) to someone that i really2 love..
+ i'm still alive..
+ my husband's promotion
+ hm..what else ek..

negative
too many too write..huhu
-A
-B
-C
-D
-E
-F
-G

all i can say is i want my life back..

i'm a bit sad that my 2009 resolution did not come true..maybe its not my time yet..

hopefully 2010 will be better for me. pray for me ya.

happy 2010...

The winner takes it all..

A meaningful song...

I don't wanna talk
About the things we've gone through
Though it's hurting me
Now it's history
I've played all my cards
And that's what you've done too
Nothing more to say
No more ace to play

The winner takes it all
The loser standing small
Beside the victory
That's her destiny

I was in your arms
Thinking I belonged there
I figured it made sense
Building me a fence
Building me a home
Thinking I'd be strong there
But I was a fool
Playing by the rules

The gods may throw a dice
Their minds as cold as ice
And someone way down here
Loses someone dear
The winner takes it all
The loser has to fall
It's simple and it's plain
Why should I complain.

But tell me does she kiss
Like I used to kiss you?
Does it feel the same
When she calls your name?
Somewhere deep inside
You must know I miss you
But what can I say
Rules must be obeyed

The judges will decide
The likes of me abide
Spectators of the show
Always staying low
The game is on again
A lover or a friend
A big thing or a small
The winner takes it all

I don't wanna talk
If it makes you feel sad
And I understand
You've come to shake my hand
I apologize
If it makes you feel bad
Seeing me so tense
No self-confidence
But you see
The winner takes it all..

p/s- when can i feel like a winner..hu..

quote of the day..

todays quote is..

To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world..

nice :)

medically speaking..

Yesterday i'd went for my medical checkup, and honestly, i have this kinda phobia which sets my brain to: i hate doctors, hospitals, nurses..no kidding!

It was also the first time that i've done my checkup in a government hospital as before this, reaching private clinics was easier. to be honest the experience wasn't that bad as i've expected..but it takes LONG time for the results..and i had to go there again tomorrow and next week (bad enough,huhu). the best part is i treated myself with oreo cheesecake from secret recipe..courtesy of my hubby. probably because i did not cry myself at the clinic (haha)..tp one slice is not enough la bang *wink2* ;)

whoever invented oreo deserves an award :)

Currently my hubby is very2 busy..leaving me alone for kursus all the time..huhu..so i've more time to spend with my cats, my books and the internet. but i'm still feeling lonely.mybe i should buy some cds or s'thing..

Decisions..decisions...

i haven't been writing for awhile now..been busy with life as usual..

I'd posted a quote regarding on chances that we have in life..and true to its word, i had another chance to explore knowledge. the offer was a surprise as i had forgotten all about it. thinking about it makes me feel scared and nervous once more, just like i had felt before this.. i had failed a couple times, falling sick and wasting lots of money- although i'm not the one who wants to be in this position..

I still have a week to think about it, and it kinda tough coz it involves PJJ..perkahwinan jarak jauh. seriously, i cannot imagine living alone..etc.however..all this is for our future. making sacrifices. have to do it to achieve a better life for our upcoming family..i'm still caught in the middle..is it all worth it? what if history repeats itself? to be honest, i'm scared..

Getting full support from him helps a lot as well..it seems that my husband didn't want me to put my 'grey cells'(as sherlock holmes put it) to waste, i guess. this is a hard decision and it involves high risk as well..huh..just like going to the war zone..

come to think of it, even though i had done many things to try and change my life, i still get that kind of offer everytime i try and everywhere i go. i always though that 'blum rezeki', or i'm unlucky, or i'm just not good enough. however, maybe i should start to think that maybe,just maybe, it is my destiny to do it..

what should i do, mon ami?

p/s..haven't give up yet. still hoping for a miracle. third time lucky, perhaps..

today's quote of the day..

Today's quote is...

When one door closes, another door opens...

well, hopefully..

talking about the future...

During my secondary school years, there's a song called 'Graduation: friends forever' sung by vitamin c..and it was really, really popular among us. it was a 'national dedication' in our school to wrote the song in our farewell autograph during form 5..and by then it was still a long way to go to university, getting a degree..etc. there was these lyrics in the song which goes 'when i think about the future, i think about....love'..

It is already 7 years since i've left school but i still cherish every moment of it. now, as i already got my degree, found love..so..what should i do next. the easiest thing to say is..work. the hardest thing to do is..getting hired to work. simply, it is easier to say than done..

after getting my degree and getting through all the hocus-pocus around it, i did not mind to study upwards or downwards..a master or getting back a diploma. probably because i did not do so well during matriculation, and also, agriculture wasn't my first love- until my degree years. i cannot say that i've regret getting a degree and having to get through all of THIS..mostly because it made my parents happy..but isn't it the time to give me a chance to make me happy? i guess not..

a part of me still feels nervous about continuing my studies (masters). true, i can take the coursework course coz its easier, and true, i can wait again for years until i'm truly ready..but then again, i'm worried about how my future would be. i'm tired of waiting the apple to fall from the tree..and maybe when it fell, the apple's already eaten by worms..

should i take the chance and go for it..or..should i just wait..and see..hm...

You were meant for me...

I hear the clock, it's six a.m.
I feel so far from where I've been
I got my eggs I got my pancakes too
I got my maple syrup, everything but you.
I break the yolks, make a smiley face
I kinda like it in my brand new place
I wipe the spots off the mirror
Don't leave the keys in the door
Never put wet towels on the floor anymore' cause

Dreams last so long
even after you're gone
I know you love me
And soon you will see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you.

I called my momma, she was out for a walk
Consoled a cup of coffee but it didn't wanna talk
So I picked up a paper, it was more bad news
More hearts being broken or people being used
Put on my coat in the pouring rain
I saw a movie it just wasn't the same
'Cause it was happy or I was sad
It made me miss you oh so bad 'cause

Dreams last so long
Even after you're gone
I know you love me
And soon you will see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you.

I go about my business, I'm doing fine
Besides what would I say if I had you on the line
Same old story, not much to say
Hearts are broken, everyday.
I brush my teeth and put the cap back on
I know you hate it when I leave the light on
I pick a book up. Turn the sheets down.
And then I take a deep breath and a good look around
Put on my pjs and hop into bed
I'm half alive but I feel mostly dead
I try and tell myself it'll be all right
I just shouldn't think anymore tonight 'cause

Dreams last so long
Even after you're gone
I know you love me
And soon you will see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you

p/s:You were meant for me and I was meant for you..

wh- questions about my other half

He's sitting in front of the TV, what is on the screen?Probably watching documentaries on fishes, animals..and not forgetting, sports news :)

You're out to eat, what kind of dressing does he get on his salad?
He LOVES vegetables (kinda wired for a guy). His fav dressing- thousand island, loads of them.

What's one food he doesn't like?
Hm..fast food I guess..

You go out to eat and have a drink. What does he order?
He’ll probably ask me first..and copy what I’m ordering :)

Where did he go to high school?
SMK Sultan Yahya Petra 2

If he was to collect anything, what would it be?
Fish of course, especially arowana

What would this person eat every day if he could?
fried chicken

What is his favorite cereal?
well, he’s not a cereal type of guy..

What is his favorite sports team?
Kelantan FC (huahuahua)

Who did he vote for?
well..he does work for the government, so..

Who is his best friend?
his wifela, kn?

What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn't do?
facebooking 24/7 kot :)

What is his heritage?
100% malay

What is his favourite colour?
blue colour makes him happy..

What is his habit?
Habits..I’ll make it private

What is he proud of?
His motocycle..and our house which we furnished it with his own savings:)

Who he loves the most?
does loving me count for an answer? Tee-hee..

sick- and - span

Assalamualaikum...

wow.. We are already in the month of December..how time flies so fast. We'll be having 2010 with us soon..and hopefully next year is better than this year. Basically everyone had their own new year resolutions annually..and hopefully everyone achieve their targets for this year (if not, we still have a month left). i'm still hoping for a miracle...

As usual..the rainy season starts again here..although i've been here for like, 4 years..i've still haven't used to it...hu..

I'm not feeling well since the month of November, probably because of the weather. I even had a fever-hari raya aidiladha..and i'm still sick now..I hate being sick, but then again..we are all normal human beings i guess. hopefully i'll feel better soon coz i really hate going to the doctor's..huhu..

Just sharing my thoughts here..

I received some comments on marriages..if we married young, does that stop us from having fun?..

Seriously for me, it all depends in who are u marrying i guess..i did not feel that marriage stops me from having fun..for we can go holidays together, going to parks, cinemas together without feeling guilty, and also we can hold hands freely :)

I just couldn't understand if they used marriage as a barrier..cannot go to cinemas..or shopping after marriage coz its childish? come on..

There's nothing wrong being childish sometimes right? playing games, enjoying ourselves..but by the end of the day, we still cook and care for our husbands and families...and we know our priorities. We can't be serious at all times..pretending to be someone 60 when we're only 23.. well, i believe that it takes a lot of baby steps and time to be 'mature'- step by step. Although I'm enjoying myself now, i cannot adapt this type of lifestyle when i'm a mother in the future, and therefore, I will change when the time comes. forcing to be someone that you're not is really frustrating- you can't be urself. there's always the right time for everything, i guess :) i'm still trying to improve myself to be a better me, and no one can change u but urself..really thankfull that my hubby supports me 100% :)

still praying for that miracle.....

one step at the time..one by one..

Hurry up and wait
So close, but so far away
Everything that you've always dreamed of
Close enough for you to taste
But you just can't touch

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting

We live and we learn to take
One step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly
Or falling in love
It's gonna happen and it's
Supposed to happen and we
Find the reasons why
One step at a time

You believe and you doubt
You're confused, you got it all figured out
Everything that you always wished for
Could be yours, should be yours, would be yours
If they only knew

When you can't wait any longer
But there's no end in sight
when you need to find the strength
It's your faith that makes you stronger
The only way you get there
Is one step at a time

p/s.. still waiting for my 'shining' time to come..so far no sign yet..
am i that bad?? huhu..

Its been awhile..

I guess its been sometime that I haven't updated this blog..probably due to my limited time and also internet connection..currently I am using celcom broadband courtesy of my hubby (yeay) and so far, so good. within a few days we will celebrate hari raya aidiladha..time moves so fast. I've been watching a lot of tv programs highlighting on mekah n kaabah..it makes me wonder on whether we will have a chance to go there one day..hmm..

currently i'm still improving my cooking skills (ada ke?) hehehe..and it isn't so hard after training i guess..

nothing much going on in my life right now..we decided to neuter our eldest male cat 'supercat' coz he started spraying his urea everywhere in our home..its a normal thing for male cats to mark their territory come of age. however as we are living in an apartment (no lawns to roam for him) its kinda a big problem. oh, his nickname supercat was decided when he survived a fall from the fourth floor here when he was a kitten..kinda super i guess..i'm still torn about the neuter thing..is it painful for the cat..but my husband convinced me that we wanted to do it to take care of the cat better. i have to agree as now we had to put him in a cage coz of this spraying-thingy..

another excited news is..twilight new moon is coming to the movies at last :) the book is quite good..but i like the 1st one better. the only problem is that there are no cinemas here..huhu..so maybe had to wait for the vcds instead (guess its better than nothing)..

its the monsoon season again in terengganu..so its been raining for days. funny sometimes if we think that the clouds can hold up that much water..

will write again soon.

frying-phobia

i'm sure everyone has their own types of phobia..and for me, i just developed a new one during the Ramadan. its kinda funny actually..haha..hopefully someone can help me overcome it ASAP :)

This year's Ramadan is really special coz its the first time that my hubby and I spend our time as husband and wife..after 3 years of knowing each other and all that we had been through. some people said it was pretty early as we're only 23, but for me..well, i have my priorities. of course everyone wants to have a successful life etc..and for me, i can focus to other parts of my life knowing that i already have him. I felt lucky that there is someone who will be cheering for me with all his heart for me to succeed, console and encourage me when i fail. its a bonus for me to have someone to catch me when i fall, and for someone who had went through so much failure like me..having him really changed my life for the better. bersyukur to ALLAH, Alhamdulillah :)

So after Terawih, we went to buy stuff in Giant..and for 'mentong' that day we decided to buy some mix sausages,fries, etc.. so I fried them the first thing I got home.However, bad luck for me..as I fried the last batch of sausages- the sausage exploded. all of them!! and the hot oil+ sausages hit me full force to my left eye,hands, fingers, even my legs. the pain was so bad that i was crying really2 hard..which alerted my husband. the funny thing is as i was crying in pain, i was still clutching the sudip i was holding (haha..have to go to panic management course).

After applying toothpaste,egg yolk,etc,etc..to all the painful areas, the burn marks were already visible. my husband was in shocked to see the extend of my injuries (does he think that i am acting before? haha..) I'm not a big fan of clinic-doctors- hospitals-nurses and had no mood to go to the pharmacy..so we used minyak gamat instead. I had burned my left eyelids (thank god no injuries to the eyes, probably because of reflexive action), a bit of the left side of my face, most fingers from my left hand, left arm, left leg- guess i was posing to my left during the facade :)

The worst thing was we will be going to my in laws in Kelantan the next day to buka puasa together. I realize how bad i look (all because of sausages). although everything went smoothy, i was wincing in pain during the trip and very scared to fried anything takut meletup. and Although i'm already free from the burn marks now, there are still scars that i would like to get rid off- thankfully none on my face (planning to use mederma, is it good?)

The consequences from the 'tragedy'..haha.. is that i'm, still scared to fry food until now. I draw the line in frying chicken n fish..anything which have a high risk in meletup-ing me. So now, my husband will do all the frying for us and our cats, with me doing all the marinating before that. thank God that he doesn't mind and consoling me that everything takes time. actually, i'm not geli at it-not the gedik way, but i'm scared of it. I have to overcome this problem fast..as it is silly (but not for me,hu). during raya, my sis in law asked me to fry some chickens and i panicked~~~

To overcome this problem once n for all (haha) i decided to try using bigger pan and longer sudip. my husband recently bought the longest penyepit that i ever seen (haha), and he asked me to use my gloves if i'm still scared..unfortunately i had to wear gloves most of the time because of my infection..huhu. i was joking the other day to him about wanting a mask to protect my face during frying, but he asked me to use his full face covered helmet instead..hahaha.. :)

so now, i'm still scared to fry meletup things (haha) and i try to cook anything that doesnt involve those things. hopefully, i can fry again soon without feeling scared (haha~)..

quote of the day..

ok..so for today my choice of quote is..

~absence makes the heart grows fonder~

no obvious reasons, just that i miss him..hu..

my first post..

Finally- my first post in my new blog. This is the first time that I actually have a blog in my life (guess there's always a first time for everything, huh?). i'm not setting a certain format for my blog..which means that i can write basically anything, and for readers (if there is, haha) you can comment simply about everything. writing is one of my passion since i was small..it helps me to keep calm and absorbs all the stress in my studies. I was planning to become a journalist or writer..that is, until my pure science stream changes everything..leading to matriculation~degree~ life..

cannot say that i regret what path that i had chosen in life, although looking back there are some things that i would like to change if i could turn back time..