27 January 2010

rushing-brushing week

Upon writing this posting in my blog, i still can't believe what had happened for the last 48 hours. how hectic it had been! and cannot believe that i got through all that. Thank Allah for the strength that He had gave me..

Last Sunday, I was really under the impression of a normal week ahead as we had a normal weekend (at last), after weeks of busy weekends and all that. How i was dead wrong. A phone call on Sunday evening changes everything. I basically had to run to catch a bus to KL that night. The worst thing is I had to asked my friends for help yet again- as it was an emergency matter. Had to thank Shida for that..

Got a job to do..will write again soon. ta~

24 January 2010

Be strong+positive..

hi all..

its nearly 4 o'clock in the morning but i can't sleep..there's a lot in my mind. firstly, i felt that i disappoint my friend kak ana whom i promised to help her on her dasar and perlembagaan paper. i tried to but there was a lot going on..i just cannot settle it on time. hope that her presentation goes well..amin..

well..this question just crossed my mind ~is it all worth it? i'm just asking myself what is the most important thing in my life (note: not people). is ranking or 'pangkat' important? is it everything? is is worth it to do something that u did not like just to gain ranks and money? which is more important? is having a high ranking job and salary makes us feel happy? secure, yes. but happy? it is a very subjective phrase. things that made me happy doesn't make everyone feel the same way.

however, i made a conclusion on this question : ALLAH knows best. there's always a right time for everything. maybe if i did not get what i asked for, ALLAH knows that it isn't suitable for me or maybe it isn't the right time, or just, HE will give something better. before this, i had been wishing for something for so long..and i just did not give up. but looking at the situation now, i am thankful that HE did not gave me what i wanted coz actually, just actually, that 'thing' i wanted does not work for me. i admit i blame myself on what i had to go through, when actually, Allah knows that its not good for me. maybe, there's something better for me out there..amin..

i also felt that i did not use my chance fully to enhance Islam in my life..i'd married someone who can be my imam, but i did not learn from him. when other Islamic people suffer just to solat or reading the Quran..just like in Iraq, Afganistan..I had the chance in front of my eyes, in my life but I did not use it. My solat and everything..i can add pahala 27 times just by praying berjamaah with him. he used lead prayers in surau and everything, did not force me to join in..all the time i just wasted my life just like that. Allah had given me a gift, and thus, i'm going to improve my life..hopefully its not too late for me to do that..

finally i'm really2 worried that i found out what i do does not gave me the good feelings i had before anymore. maybe time just changes people..somehow we are more concern for changes in other people's life that ourselves. i just felt that it is time for me to see myself and what i need to do. i used to enjoy plant pathology, and doing, culturing and identifying the microbes really makes me feel 'homey' somehow..but not anymore..its really2 shocking and i did not know what i did wrong. pathology is my strongest strength, and without it..i'm just nothing..useless maybe.. i did not know what should i do now..force myself maybe?or maybe its just normal of having these kind of feelings after my infection. i just cannot lie to myself anymore..although i have no choice but to carry on..be tabah (*_*)..maybe its just a phase ya..

i did not know how to make other people treat me better without obtaining a high profile job and good salary. some people just ignore me like i'm invisible sometimes. being a housewife is not glamour enough, plus rich enough. it hurts sometimes. i'm sure that all of u can relate to it, though lets just not think of it too seriously. life is a rollercoaster-just got to ride it :) to make me feel better- just be patience..n redha..

see u again soon..

21 January 2010

SuArA hAtI...

suara rindu~

Suatu yang indah
Ceritanya bermula semalam
Andainya dapat ku rasa selamanya
Tetapi ku takut tidak mungkin dapat kumiliki
Walaupun kau hadir hanya dalam mimpi

Ku teruskan hidup
Hari demi hari pun berlalu
Siksa dan derita ku tanggung sendiri
Apa yang tinggal hanyalah doaku padamu tuhan
Pasrahku hanya kamu yang menentukan

Pun tak pernah ku sesalkan
Kecewa datang dan pergi
Tinggalku sendiri
Ditakdirkan aku syukur selalu
Sesungguhnya aku tahu
Temanku hanya lah aku

Semoga suatu hari nanti
Dapat ku temui
Penawar dukaku yang berdarah duka
Pabila bertemu pasti aku suarakan rindu
Laguku untukmu buat selamanya..

p/s- nice song :)

i'm back..

its been an exhausting week so far- not from all the work that i had to do, but the travel that i had to endure (haha). last week i went back to our hometown and it was very2 tiring indeed. i wanted a change of scenery and environment to help me forget all the sad things that happened. however, going back to kampung isn't exactly a holiday for me since i still had to cook and do things..etc..but that's the way as a married woman, i guess. i just came back from our cuti2 malaysia yesterday, had a day full of activity, and on top of that my sister in law came for a visit. plus the laundry, cleaning and all that..fuh..i need more energy i guess.

about my current running activity, i'm still not sure what to aspect. my focus is there, but i'm not sure on where to start. i'm focusing on getting to love my activities better- maybe some people needed only a bit of time-but me- well, lets just say i need more time..

there's also been good news this week. hope it keeps on coming (*_*). Alhamdulillah, everything goes well with our marriage. and life. hope that everything comes out fine. sometimes, its hard to get something that you want and need without effecting the hearts of others...

15 January 2010

Full month...

Looking at the calendar,its only the middle of January..fuh..but i am feeling SOoo tired already. Really,really a challenge when u had to squeeze urself with a new life and new timetable.

Work+cooking+cleaning+washing everyday leave me with no energy at all..everynite i had to drag myself to bed.maybe i should make some changes on my schedule, but currently i had no chance of doing it..i'm planning to get some supplement so i can be more energetic..

i don't know whether i'm doing a good job or not, its just so hard to explain when ur so tired. i'm not fully recovered from my ordeal yet-i guess..it could take some time. but can i use that explanation to safe myself? i don't think so..huhu..i need to be strong..

speaking of challenges, my D-day is also coming next week-loads of things are happening right now..i just don't know which to settle first.i'm really2 nervous about the day..i'm not sure what will happen next..plz pray for me..and hope everything is fine..

of all the bad things that happened, there's a good thing within it- i got the news this week. really2 made my day.hopefully it can stay that way. probably my friends who read this noticed how secretive i am lately..hehe..i will elaborate later..

as for my marriage life- we're still searching for a house for us to rent. kinda hard finding it here..huhu..i love our house now, but it doesn't hurt to search for a bargain. we like houses with lawns, so that we can do a bit of gardening..and the cats can play around, and that sort of thing. we have looked 2,3 houses so far..well, maybe i kinda strict in these houses and all that, but hey, i'm the housewife :) my choice of houses must be : not woodhouse type, no cemetry nearby, not in a jungle or forest area, got public transport..and the list goes on..haha..
  • no offence about the woodhouse, but i'm thinking of when my hubby will go outstation for days and i'll be living alone with si kucing. i'm really2 concern about safety and does a cockroach sounds and looks scary enough for u? it does for me..hehe. infact, even spelling it gave me the creeps~huhu..
  • cemetry- NOT my favourite environment to live in. why? well..i don't want to celebrate halloween everyday. plus. ok. i admit it..i'm a scaredy-cat..
  • not in a jungle or forest area coz i'm more concern about safety actually..
  • public transport coz i don't have any transport on my own yet..
is there any perfect house around?hehe..inform me if there's any ya :)

i'm feeling soo tired..for the 100th time..hu..i'm really2 lucky that my husband really likes my cooking..he even requested for bekal sometimes..but then again..maybe we should eat out on weekdays abg. i love u.. :)

Goodnite everyone..

11 January 2010

a new hope for a new day..

currently i realised that my blog is getting more sadder and boring day by day..and i had no choice coz that's what happening and what i'm feeling for the time being..but i really,really appreciate all the moral support that i had been receiving from friends, it does makes it better. and to celebrate the arrival of a new day today, my wish of the day is~~ hope i did not give up today..and semoga hati ini cekal n tabah..Amin..

10 January 2010

TIRED

Guess having a bad week the other day doesn't guaranteed u to a good week ahead...

i'm still having doubts about the path that i'm choosing now, whether, its for the sake of my future and thus i had to do it..or not..

guess time will tell..hope its not too late.

~~sad heart~~ huhu..

09 January 2010

a typical day?

today is saturday..one of my favourite day in the week..probably coz its the weekend :)

so i started today thinking that it was going to be a typical saturday..just like other weeks before..lazing around..but..that did not happen..

I woke up this morning to the sounds from my husband's hp..he did not answer as it was saturday morning- family time.however, his hp rings many times and he decided to LOOK at the phone, luckily too coz it was from his brother. the news: they are coming to our house in an hour's time.with my father and mother in law.erk.actually they are sending my sister in law to college as her semester has just started..

OMG..

I woke up with a jump and began planning on what to do (haha). thankfully we had mop the house yesterday (weekly wajib job), and we bought chicken meat and fish the week before, so there are some lauk available. my husband asked me to cook my rendang (crazy-in 1 hour?), fry the fish and vege..and somehow, i managed to get the job done :) as an amateur cooker-i had to be proud of myself (haha).

I plan to apply for the post of super woman next year.

so..the rest, everything was ok..my rendang tasted fine..however as i am in a special diet, there was no lauk for me available (haruan sup doesn't sound appetising does it?) it took a LOT of effort for me not to eat them all..funnyla cooking something that u cannot eat, but never mind :)

At the end of their trip i was feeling very tired..(haha, so much for being super) but most important is that everything goes well. so..sup dinner for me-again. i must say that it is an experience for me to have ur mother in law to visit u suddenly, and maybe everyone had their own experience like this. the moral of the story- have to always had lauk or some emergency 3 in 1 or 4 in 1 or whatsoever for cases like this.haha. and have to keep instant donuts or epok2 too. i seldom use the 3 in 1 thingy so maybe had to survey some brands for future references.

or maybe, just maybe, don't answer your phone on saturday morning :) just kidding..

so much for a typical saturday.

p/s- balik kampung this week...and 1 week more for my diet and D-day,huhu..hopefully all goes well..

07 January 2010

i want one... :)

everything new...

the first week of 2010 flew by~~and, although its only the 1st week so far, many things happened..hopefully for a reason..

i attended a seminar last weekend about studies..and it really sucks..i regret coming to it until now. when i woke up that morning the weather is gloomy-its been raining on and off since the new year. so i've arrived kinda a bit late (15 minutes to be exact) because of the weather (rain2 go away..). however, the door to the seminar was already locked, and many of us (like me) were stranded outside. feeling really2 bummed, it does effected my mood for the whole day. at last, the door was opened after 1 hour after i waited there (my husband ordered me too, so..) and many of them who waited with me had already left. i just couldn't understand WHY didn't they did not assigned a staff to 'look' at the door once in a while. after all, the place was comfortable, with aircond, and 15 minutes..man, we're not supposed to miss much. maybe all of them had big cars and everything, and did not have to worry about the weather like us. i'm really2 pissed off with them!!

for the second part, everything seems well at first. until..the Q & A section. I decided to ask a question, and man, i regret that decision until now. my question was answered with a snide remark, pissing me off. and the worst part of it was that the remarks were added by bapak2 org wearing kopiah and everything! i mean, with that image, should they be more polite and everything? then what for they wear that kind of gear just to say something impolite to this lady? bad day for me i guess..

as for the week..everything goes well, i guess...but not quite for us..maybe its not the right time yet for us to expand our family. i don't know if i was the one who failed,but this is our 1st time, and i promise to take care of myself better next time. speaking of taking care, i have to thank my husband a lot during this hard times..and he made me eat A LOT..maybe this test is to gave prove that he really loves me and i should take care of him better. now, the only focus is to get myself to be strong again..

hopefully 2010 will be a wonderful year for us..

01 January 2010

being a rahayu...


its friday, the 1st of January 2010, nearly a week since my new life started..i haven't settle down yet. and also i haven't made up my mind whether on to stay or should i go..its kinda early to do that, i guess. hopefully i can settle down as soon as possible and without the-phobia-of my past part..

i'm still trying to be a good wife since my new life started..its been very2 tiring..have to cook and clean and everything..plus my new life..hope that Allah give me strength to go on..

although this is not my dream and i did this for my husband, who knows that maybe this is the right decision after all..

still hoping for my dreams to come true. amin.
gunung pn harus ku daki...